Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Bunking in Parliament : a solution

UPA chairperson and Congress President Sonia Gandhi, has taken serious note of dangerous absenteeism in Parliament during question hour recently, when the Speaker had to adjourn the house because those supposed to ask Questions during Question hour simply weren't there.(LINK)

The modern youth malady of "bunking" (as in college), has now reached Parliament.

While a committee has ordered those who bunked and were were located elsewhere, to sit in Parliament and write a certain phrase 100 times, and submit it to the Speaker, those MP's still missing, will be issued RFID tags in red, which they will have to permanently wear .

Failing to do that will result in the withdrawing of things like free phones, free accomodation, free air travel for self and spouse, free secretarial help, free electricity, highly subisdized food, and frequent turning of blind eye by those high up.

A whole bunch of bunking MP's thought they could fool the Congress President with common-man excuses like the train/bus was late, and asked for free cars .

They were instead issued RFID tags in a bright red color. While some MP's with criminal backgrounds from UP and Bihar were found cutting these tags, this is supposed to please the Communists as well as make it possible to trace the missing MP's at all times.

Unconfirmed reports suggest that questions may be asked and there may be a vote in Parliament about this. MP's can come only with the Tags displayed around their necks. An unnamed reliable source , indicated to us , that radio frequency jammer manufacturers were seen at an emergency meeting at an undisclosed place in the capital.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Ma'am Aadmi to Aam Aadmi

Ten days after the elections , administrative work in the state of Maharashtra is at a standstill, as the citizens wait for the elected folks to decide who keeps the reigns of power.

Or money.

Despite being given a reprieve by the citizens of the state , Boss folks up north, are supposed to decree the person who becomes CM. The rank and file of the so called savvy elected politicians have left it to Madam.

Confused women all across Maharashtra are wondering how some one in Delhi can get grown cunning moneyed fellows, who she has never met, to listen, when their own children pretend they cannot even hear .

In addition to women, some veteran candidates are also confused. You are refused a ticket because you and the first citizen of the country do not have the same name. "Independently", you fight and lose, while Fat Cats enjoy discussions and deals in the garden.

But your flight into the Sea of Ordinary Aam Aadmis has been noted.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Fast and slow tracks of justice

Accused in the 1993 terror trials demand non vegetarian food in jail. Judge orders authorities to look into it. Link

Certain items of inordinate national importance come up for immediate judgement. The terrorists blew up trains, killed innocent people returning from an honest days work.
The powers that be bend over backwards to comply with their requests.

In the meanwhile, people who routinely swipe grains meant for school mid-day meals, are free, and the cases , presumably are on the slowest track.

Its not important. Neither are cases where senior citizens are fighting for justice for so many years. Those cases never come up. Its do or die.

Its the judicial backlog, you know.

Tandoori chicken, anyone ?

Monday, July 27, 2009

The Zplus Supper

Withdrawal of NSG cover to VIPs: Mixed response (Link)

A supper was recently held to discuss Zplus security. All the Z-types were in attendance.

The Government is mulling over withdrawl of Z plus security to various folks, pending a review. The NSG has written a letter to the government asking for return to its army related security work as opposed to guarding MP's, ministers, ex-ministers, ministers wives, children and so on. They have requested that the local police handle this security.

It is rumoured that in some places (where a single "leader " has 35 policemen just "sitting" outside his house), there is an unprecedented demand for getting postings there .....

The concerned party cadre MP's were in an uproar in Parliament over this, and the PM promised to maintain the Zplus security.

Our leaders can now plan, discuss, drive, hide, eat, socialize ,threaten, fight, earn , lose, see movies, exercise, design statues, ride chariots, , fly , (and if you are Deve Gowda, sleep) , all under Zplus security....

Jai Ho!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Pockets Museum

Belgian artist Jan Bucquoy's "Musee du Slip" or underpants museum, which opened in Brussels earlier this month, displays framed underwear of prominent citizens, labelled nicely. The artist states that the framed underwear represents a utopian longing for an equal society, and that history would have been different if this exercise had been carried out, in, say, Hitler's time...

Click here to understand more

Our sleuths in Delhi report, that some leading artists here, are planning a similar Pockets Museum, where leading politicians, and almost all politicians will be requested to donate their pockets for display, in real time, whenever requested . For those in power who function in a pocketless mode, pockets of their sons or close aide, will be eagerly accepted.

Unnamed reliable sources in government indicate that the Pockets Museum will be part of a larger entity called Pockets Park, which will also have some games for children. In keeping with the latest directive from the government , these games will involve physical activity from the children instead of pressing buttons on a screen . The first game likely to get operational soon is one that would help tone the biceps, and is called Aim at the Pocket

Portraits of folks with deepest and heaviest pockets will be hung from trees, and there will be a competition for aiming and downing the largest number of such portraits. The prize will be the contents of the pocket(s) .

In unusual cases, free transport home will be provided for the winners, with temporary Z plus security.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Ape version 1.1

"There are 193 living species of monkeys and apes. 192 of them are covered with hair. The exception is a naked ape self-named Homo sapiens."

----Desmond Morris

Great excitement bordering on anxiety, has been reported amongst the penguins and seals at the Cape of Good Hope. Biologists at the University say that this happens when animals sense the arrival of another species in their midst.

Simultaneously the Kenya Zoological Survey reports the disappearance of a few apes from their wild life reserve.

It was earlier believed that this had something to do with Global warming. However, it was later revealed that the entire thing was triggered by a beautiful lady taking photographs of people at the Cape, in the belief that they were really Apes.

However, our sources in South Africa report that the missing Apes have been spotted at the Cape, reading up on Darwins theory from books, hitherto swiped from the library at the University of Transvaal.

Further details are awaited.

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

How much is too much ?

Mayawati, Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh, our most populous state, has installed 40 statues — including six of herself (3 ready and 3 in preparation), and 60 marble elephants — the symbol of her Bahujan Samaj Party (BSP) — since 2007, when she won her fourth term as chief minister. (Link)

Sources indicate that in keeping with inscriptions found on old statues, she has also ordered laudatory inscriptions carved in a circular manner all around the base. Rumors indicate that, many of the rural artisans doing this work, are themselves illiterate.

Reports from the field say, that ever since it was ordered that the bodies of the concrete elephants also display inspirational inscriptions, the artisans have followed a go slow policy.

While the Supreme court has summoned Mayawati and her state government in this case, the artisans are worried about a Rs 2 million, modern, state of the art (?) police station that has come up at the entrance to the park housing the elephants.

(This post inspired by this.....)

Sunday, June 21, 2009

War and Peace in the White House

June 16, 2009.

Obama kills housefly ! (link)

Faced with a warlike situation, President Barack Obama took matters into his own hands, and killed a housefly.

Reliable sources claim that the Secret Service were actually trying to capture the offending fly alive, after intelligence reports indicated that it might be carrying coded information.

Everyone breathed a sigh of relief when it was found that the coded information was its DNA.

Recent investigations reveal that these flies were Republicans, native to Alaska, and despite warnings, insisted on travelling to Washington in this heat.

The United Flyswatters of America, Washington Chapter, have donated 100 flyswatters to the White House, in the face of allegations that the association supports Democrats only.

Members of PETA, were seen walking with banners, in silent protest, outside the White House.

President Obama , addressing his first Press Conference after the killing, said , "Do we allow perpetrators here ? No. We must make a change . Can we make that effort ? YES WE CAN !

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Pure Poison

Sharad Yadav seeks to wriggle out of poison statement (Link)

Sharad Yadav, who had created flutters with his threat to consume poison and die if the women's reservation bill was passed, on Saturday sought to wriggle out of his statement.

""I had taken the name of Socrates. He (the Greek philosopher) was not not the one to consume poison himself. He was given poison for speaking the truth."

With Mulayam Singh and Amar Singh, the quick change artists standing in support, fears are being expressed on the quality of the poison....

In the meanwhile our sources reveal that Socrates has got onto the reservation bandwagon...

Ah, the perils of democracy. You cant even have a drink of poison in peace.......

Saturday, June 6, 2009

To be or not to be : easy answers....

Women'sReservation bill: MP Sharad Yadav threatens suicide if bill is passed. (Link)

Janata Dal MP Sharad Yadav, violently opposes the Women's Reservations Bill, likely to come up for vote in Parliament next week, which will then give women 33% reservation , eg in Parliament.

While he exercises almost nil influence over the ruling party, he is faced with a formidable set of women :

Mrs Sonia Gandhi
, Ruling Party UPA Chairperson
Mrs Sushama Swaraj , Dy Opposition Leader in Parliament
Mrs Meira Kumar, Speaker of the Parliament
Her Excellency, Smt. Pratibha Patil, President of India.

This is one way of hanging on , in a world , where it increasingly looks like, women will have the first, last and all the in between words.

Is threateneing suicide a crime ? To be or not to be, the answer is clear. If you are talking about remaining an MP, the answer is , "not to be" one.....

Monday, June 1, 2009

Wah ! Kya timing hai ! ( what great timing ! )

On World No Tobacco Day on Sunday, May 31,2009, new Health Minister Ghulam Nabi Azad made it clear that he's certainly different from his predecessor Anbumani Ramadoss at least on the smoking issue.

“Screen is about entertainment. I don't think it has anything to do with tobacco consumption,” he said.

Mr Minister.....

How about
? Entertainment ?

Superintendent of Police (City) Anwar Hussain, in Patna, Bihar, was quoted by news agency PTI as saying that two boys - both 14-year-old neighbours of the victim - Avinash and Monu, planned to kidnap Satyam two months ago after watching the movie Apaharan."

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Peace ?

Some care.

Some dont.

We need to have more of the former and less of the latter.

Like the Beatles said, Give Peace a chance.........

Some others said something similar :

Saturday, May 23, 2009

The crying need for younger MP's.....

Despite the hype about younger members getting elected to Parliament, the first round of Ministers sworn in on May 22, answer to an average age of 65.

Given the several unusual activities that take place in the name of protests, listening to one's conscience, and giving in to the attraction of the "green" , here is a reason to induct the younger lot on May 26.

Unconfirmed reports say that Chair fling, Microphone throw, and Tarzan swing are being included as new Sports at the Commonwealth games 2010.

The 'K ' Opera

"Yes, What will you have , sir ? "
the Congress asked .

(Coffee, Tea or Ministry?)


Mr K, on the phone to the PM.

Karunanidhi, the head of DMK, currently the ruling party's primary ally, demands ministries for his children as a condition for support.

The family tree is as shown. Matters get complicated due to a multiwife multikid system. Wives are not shown.

K and A may get ministries, S gets the state as his fiefdom, and we still havent shown Karunanidhi's nephew, who demands the IT ministry.

The K operas on TV may have gone into a lull.

But the K opera continues, full blast , in politics.

K : daughter Kanimozhi S : daughter Selvi
S : son Stalin (real name :-) ) A : son Azhagiri T: son Tamilarasu
w :wife (generic), numbered chronologically.

(Where did all the qualified people in Chennai go? Why the K's ?).....

P. S. I mean, why have someone with an "A " name fighting elections from Madurai ? I know an excellent "K" type from Madurai , whose name has something in common (50%) with another son " T" shown above.......:-)

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Judiciary Awakening......

This is what appeared in the Mumbai Mirror, today, May 20, 2009

Bow to your wife’s diktat, Supreme Court tells husbands (Link)

The Judiciary has finally awakened. :-)

Among the pearls of judicial wisdom :

If your wife asks you to put your face that side, put it that side. If she says, put it this side, then put it this side. Otherwise you will face trouble. We are all sufferers.” "

"Listen to whatever your wife says, otherwise you could land in trouble,”


Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Some Gandhis are more real than others....

Parliament to host 4 Gandhis for the first time.(LINK)

The late Indira Gandhi's 2 daughters-in-law, and two grandson's now in Parliament....

Actually, there are 5.

Sonia Gandhi, UPA chairperson, her son Rahul Gandhi. Both Indian National Congress

Maneka Gandhi, Bharatiya Janata Party.
Her son Varun Gandhi, belonging to the same.

Unfortunately, in all their estrangement, fights, name calling,threats and enimity , they have forgotten the original Gandhi, no blood relation of theirs (thankfully), who has been in Parliament , sitting outside with his eyes closed. Maybe he anticipated this. And he couldnt watch....

The Gandhis:

S: Sonia R: Rahul P : Priyanka(she isnt in Parliament, yet)
M: Maneka V: Varun

Monday, May 18, 2009

Missile Magic

This appeared in the Mumbai Mirror today May 18, 2009. Read Here

All political leaders who were made targets of footwear missiles in the run up to the Lok Sabha polls have tasted victory in the elections 2009.

Legend :

M : ManMohan Singh, the PM

A : L.K.Advani, Opposition Leader

C : Chidambaram, Home Minister

plus two others .

Nowithstanding the protective shields they have in front (white), today, besides, money, oratory, stamina, and guile you also need to appoint guys to throw shoes at you....

Stupid, isnt it ?

First it was the mad Cow disease, then SARS and Bird Flu, Now its the Swine Flu......

Question is, after blaming these for the diseases, entire populations continue to eat them ?

Like they say in the graphic, "these stupid humans ....

Do we look forward now to Fish Flu, Sheep Flu, and in some countries Snake and Cockroach flu ?

Democracy wins....

May 16, 2009.

Successful completion of the election process. Once again the power of a democratic nation, an electoral exercise of mind boggling magnitude. In a nation with the diversity of religion, culture, language , like no other.....

This dedicated to the common rural man, who time and again , has shown that democracy is in his DNA. Nothing can change that.